To think…

It terrifies me to think that one day, I will not be in love. To know that what once was, in no more. I don’t think I’ve actually been in love. Maybe I stop myself from knowing the feeling so that one day I won’t be stuck without it. I can imagine what it’s like. Cloud 9 and all that hype. But really, I think it’s when you can look in someone’s eyes, and see not your own reflection, but see them actually looking at you. So, if I’ve lived 28 years without true love, I should know what it’s like to be without it, right? Yes. That’s the scariest part. For example: addicts. If someone tries heroin and they’re hooked and now they can’t go without it, I’m sure most of them will have said they should’ve never known what they’re missing. 

This isn’t about a broken heart, love lost, or thinking back to what could’ve been, but more so a question about the one thing us intelligent humans haven’t figured out. There’s definitely no App on my iPhone for how to be in love (unfortunately). To think back at my past ‘relationships,’ if that’s what you want to call them, where did it go wrong? Sometimes you can’t help who you fall for and one can continually make the same mistake over and over again until something clicks and poof, you found your soulmate. Yeah right. Those people are few and far between. I happen to know a couple of them, fortunately. They have true love. They are, from my perspective, completely and utterly in love. It’s beautiful. (I’m not being sarcastic)

I could go on and on, pondering all the ‘what if’s’ and try to find the missing piece. The piece of the puzzle that I haven’t caught onto yet. Shit, I probably wouldn’t know it if it was staring right at me. Oh wait, I do know it…it’s me. I am the missing piece. I am the one that can change and manifest my own reality. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be on the prowl for love or signing up on match.com anytime soon (no offense to people that have), but I know I can’t stand in my own way. It will happen. It will happen for all of us, I hope. 

I’m not sure the point of sharing all this. Sometimes I’m stuck with a question and thinking it out on paper, or screen, helps to answer it. Maybe putting this on my blog, someone will read it and think about their own love…

The End :)